How to Be Happy at Midlife

Posted on January 31, 2013 by Nina

The following article of mine has been featured in the debut edition of the new website, “Generation Fabulous”. This is a fantastic new site for, about and by Women Over 50. I am very honored to be part of it. At the end of my article below is a link to their website. I hope you get a chance to visit there and read some of the other articles written by some extremely wise and talented Women Over 50.

Are some people just born with the happiness gene? Do we have any influence at all? Yes to both. Genetics can play a part but we also have control at this point now in our life.

Are you someone that goes through your life blaming your unhappiness on someone else and something that has happened to you in the past? Do you blame your parents or an ex-spouse? Do you blame your upbringing, or your school, or your parents’ divorce, or just bad luck? Doesn’t there have to be a point where you stop being a victim and start taking control of yourself and your life? As a Woman Over 50, I certainly don’t want to give up that control. Shouldn’t we be in charge of our own life by now?

It’s shown that our genetics are responsible for our happiness by about 33%. That leaves a major 67% that we can control ourselves. Or are you more comfortable just falling back on that 33% and letting it guide you the rest of your life?

There is no use in wishing that our past was different. It is what it is! Accept that and move on. Yes, it might be a little bit harder road for those that maybe started out with a more difficult, negative life, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t control it now. Don’t hold on to those negative emotions, thoughts and excuses. You have permission to let them go and move on.

Life does get hard, there is no question about it. We can’t just hide from life and put our head in the sand and ignore bad things that happen. Even if bad things don’t happen TO you, it is still sometimes hard to escape bad or sad emotions. The media and news and even the web sites and news headlines that pop up on your computer every day is hard to get away from. We have the ability, though, to manage it.

I know I have a tendency to watch too much news. Most of it not being good news! I listen to too much political back and forth. I can get sucked into Facebook discussions. And guess what I now notice and realize? This all affects me and my day. I can get really worked up about events that are sad or bad or scary. I can’t make it go away and I can’t pretend that it doesn’t exist, but I do have the ability to control how much attention I give it. I’ve started to turn the TV off more often. I’m really trying to scroll past Facebook posts that could suck me into an argument.

As Women Over 50, we can also get sucked into the negative emotions of many life changes that start to occur. Are you suffering from the Empty Nest Syndrome, aging, new aches and pains, loneliness, and boredom? I’m sure some of you can come up with more. Now think of all the positive that this time in our life can bring. Such as more time for ourselves, a quiet and clean home, an extra bedroom to turn into an office or work space just for you, time to start a hobby or take a class, more time to spend with your spouse, time to travel, grandchildren, children that are becoming mature adults, and the list can go on and on. Everyone’s list may be a little different. Write down your own list and you’ll soon realize that this is a great time of life!

Negative seems to have a stronger influence than positive sometimes. We tend to give it more weight and let it make a larger impact on us. So we need to balance it out with more positive events, thoughts and emotions. For the most part, this isn’t automatic. It takes a conscious effort and our brains need to be retrained. With practice, they can be.

We can tend to focus on negative and we just take positive for granted. Start keeping a gratitude journal, or at least write down positive things that may happen during your day. It doesn’t need to be anything major, just pay attention and appreciate the little things. If you focus on these positive events and emotions and make a point of writing them down, you’ll soon notice that the positive can easily outweigh the negative.

This article was featured at Generation Fabulous!

I am also a Happiness teacher for the Hapacus organization. I will be teaching an on-line course geared toward Women Over 50, starting April 16. You can check out the course details HERE

Creative Bliss

Posted on February 27, 2012 by Nina

Please – come in! Hang out in my little studio sewing room for a few minutes.

This is where I’ve been lucky enough to spend my weekend. You know, this is just one of the great things about being Over 50. As much as I love my kids and grandkids, and I miss them terribly now that they all live at least 3 days by car away, I also love my life now.

I learned to sew and knit when I was about 10 years old, and I sewed a lot of my own clothes back then. Then I got a high school and college life, and then a family life came along with 2 kids, and there just was no time left over for me much at all.

Now – I took up quilting about 10 years ago and started knitting again about 3 years ago, and I haven’t quit since. I’m lucky enough to have my own little sanctuary that I call my studio sewing room. I hang out in here when I’m deep into a project that I just can’t stop working on until it’s finished. That is such a good feeling. I feel like a little kid in a play room filled with all my favorite toys.

It’s winter in Pennsylvania and that may be depressing and boring for some, but I’ve come to love it. Snowy cold days are a perfect excuse to not leave the house. I work in our home office and business during the week, as well as keep up with the housecleaning, laundry, groceries, errands, etc. But then as soon as dinner dishes are done during the week I’m usually upstairs creating something. And if I can keep the weekend free with nothing else planned and it’s snowy and cold outside – here I am.

My babies, Ellie Mae and Fergie, take their spots on the little couch,

I turn on the little 13 inch TV, usually to HGTV or Lifetime, or maybe Hoarders or Storage Wars as of late. Have you seen those shows yet – Hoarders and Storage Wars? I get really sucked into those. Anyway, I start drawing out a pattern to sew that’s maybe been in my head, or start coming up with a new way to knit a scarf

or necklace.

The designs and ideas that sometimes run through my head are endless!

My latest creations have been tote bags.

They’re great for carrying my knitting around or to travel, especially on the plane.

Mini quilts became my favorite quilts to make. I started out with large mini quilts

and then challenged myself to see how small I could go. I’ve sold a few, but these I just can’t part with.

These have won awards in quilt shows – and that is such a happy thrill! Then I got into framing the tiny mini quilts and most of them are for sale.

They are much more time consuming than you would maybe think!

Pincushions are so much fun to make. They sell pretty quick and I only have a few of them left.

I’ve collected more antique cups and vases, so I’m probably about due to start making some more.

Then the knitting started up again when my kids started moving so far away. It’s a portable craft that makes the travelling time go so much faster. I make bracelets and necklaces with beads knit in, then there are hats and scarves.

The scarves sell faster than I can make them. I didn’t start out to do any of this to sell or make money, and believe me – I don’t make much money! – but I had to do something with all the stuff. I give away much of it as gifts.

The main reason I sew, quilt, knit and create is for me. It makes me happy. It makes me feel good. It’s not about being especially talented or gifted. It’s about doing something fun, creative and for yourself.

I hope you enjoyed my little tour around my studio sewing room. Some more of my things can be seen on my web page here and are for sale in my Etsy shop here. For those that like to get creative on the computer and on the internet, here’s a fun new place to go, have fun, and get creative with - Pinterest. If you haven’t discovered this great new place yet, – go see and have fun!

There’s Always a Flip Side

Posted on February 6, 2012 by Nina

Now starts my life again without children! The onslaught of mixed emotions, along with taking care of grandchildren for the last two weeks, plus catching a cold, has left me exhausted. Then, as all mothers and grandmothers know too well, there is the constant worry. I can’t help it. As much as my intellectual and spiritual self tells me to let go of the thoughts and worries that you can’t do anything about, my emotional self won’t cooperate! I am worrying about my son (30 years old) driving from Pennsylvania to Texas by himself in 2-1/2 days! I’m worried about my grandsons adjusting and fitting in to new schools and with new friends. I’m worried about my younger son flying from Spokane to Florida today for a 5 day water survival training school for his job as an Air Force Survival Trainer. I try to keep these worries under control and keep these thoughts secret, but I’m just being honest here!

Here’s the good flip side: I have My Empty Nest back all to myself again. Well, me and Bob! I woke up Saturday morning to total silence! I finished the last load of dirty towels, and then decided it was a perfect day to start getting back to MY life. The life I’ve earned and deserve!

One piece of the puzzle in the Art of Living Your Best Life After 50 is to do things that excite you. Do things that you’re passionate about! I haven’t had much time for that lately. I retreated to my little sewing studio room, with my dogs snuggled on the couch beside me, and all my “loves” surrounding me. I worked on my computer updating my Etsy shop. I read all my favorite magazines that have just been thrown into my basket.

I finished the pink hat I was knitting.

You can see the Simple Things that Make Me Happy here. All of this while I watched Lifetime Movies on TV! I can’t believe those stories happened in real life! Those people aren’t living Their Best Life, are they?

I hadn’t looked through a Romantic Homes Magazine in quite a while. I finally did that on Saturday. There is something about that magazine that just makes me feel good. I get so much inspiration from it. The pictures, the writers and contributors, the decorating, the recipes, all talk to me! It’s a magazine that has a very calming effect on me.

Creative Knitting is another magazine that gives me inspiration. Sometimes it’s just a little thing that I see in a picture that I know I can incorporate into something I’m making, or a new yarn or type of knitting needle, or a new gift idea. It’s this passion that’s another piece of the puzzle that is part of the Art of Living Your Best Life.

This quiet inspiration led me to re-decorate my website and update My Charming Creations page.

Sunday was another Nesting for Me day! I was able to sew all day making a knitting tote bag that I’ve wanted to make for a while now. If it turns out well, I’ll make some more and list them in my shop. Then to top off a very relaxing day, Bob went for a few groceries (only because he was hungry and I didn’t even get groceries this week!). I asked him to get some ground beef and I would make a meat sauce for spaghetti. Now, here’s the greatest treat, are you ready? – Bob surprised me by coming back home and making meat balls and spaghetti all by himself! Shock! If he has ever done that before, I can’t remember it! And it was very good, too! Of course, it’s always good when someone else cooks for you! He also bought some chocolate Haagen Dazs ice cream for desert. That was a treat!

I still am sad about my kids moving far away, and I miss my grandchildren, but I sure do love my Empty Nest Life!

If you’re new to my site - Welcome! I hope you enjoyed this article. You can receive updates, my blog posts and almost daily “happy” thoughts in your email by signing in below, or in the upper right box, or here. You’ll also receive my free e-book, “7 Simple Keys to Fitness for Real Housewives Over 50″ as my gift to you!

Empty Nest All Over Again

Posted on February 2, 2012 by Nina

This was an emotional day! I knew it was coming, but there’s no way to prepare yourself for sadness. Sad happens when it happens. Just thinking about it happening in the future doesn’t do much in preparing you for the emotions or stop them from coming to the surface on the actual day the sad event takes place.

We’ve known for at least 2 months now that my son would be moving to Texas. He’s in the Air Force and has been stationed for the last 5 years here in Pennsylvania only 1-1/2 hours away from us. We’ve become so close to the three grandchildren and have spent almost every weekend with them. Our other son and his family live in Spokane and we only see them about twice a year.

Well, today is the day. My daughter-in-law and the 3 grandchildren got on a plane for Arizona to her mother’s until their house is ready in Texas. My son will leave on Friday to drive out to Texas. Today was the day we knew was coming but tried to ignore. It happened anyway. I could just barely say goodbye without feeling just a horrible unbearable pain. The only thing making it just a little bit OK is that this is a good move for them and they are happy and excited.

Bob and I are a little down today, but we’ll be OK. It just reminds me of days when my sons first left for college, or the days they then left for Basic Training, then the days they left with their new wives for their first new Air Force stations. Now it’s that feeling of loss and a new kind of Empty Nest all over again. It’s almost a selfish feeling – like now they took our grandchildren away from us! We know better, but that’s how it feels today.

Are you a grandparent that has experienced this lost? Or maybe you’re just experienceing your first empty nest. As hard as this time is initially, there is a lot of good to look forward to. The new phase in our kids’ life can also begin a new phase in our life. If you’re going through your first, second, or even third empty nest syndrome, here are some considerations in making an Empty Nest a good thing and Living a Good Life:

Be thankful and proud that children you raised are independent and successfully making their own life and supporting and raising their own family.
Now you have the time to do that thing that you always wanted to do but didn’t have the time. That may be a hobby, a new business venture, or maybe volunteer work at a local charity.
Live YOUR life, not with or through your children. Just as your children need to live their own life, so do you.
Discover new activities to do with your spouse. Discover life again with just the two of you. You started out without kids and grand-kids, now remember what you loved about each other. Hopefully you discover that you still like each other. Yes, it’s different now, but it can still be a new good time of your life together.
Your house stays clean now. There is less laundry and less cooking and fewer dishes to wash.
Listen to the QUIET! This is a big one for me. Do you find that you are much more sensitive to noise now than you were 20 or 30 years ago? I think I just accepted the noise my kids made. Now the decibel level of grandchildren just seems to be unbearable at times.
Travel. Arrange vacations so that you can visit the kids, but then take some days for just the two of you. You’ll find that visiting the kids is a lot more fun than living with them!

So now excuse me while I wallow in my sadness for a few more days, and then I have a good life to get back to!

If you’re new to my site - Welcome! I hope you enjoyed this article. You can receive updates, my blog posts and almost daily “happy” thoughts in your email by signing in below or here. You’ll also receive my free e-book, “7 Simple Keys to Fitness for Real Housewives Over 50″ as my gift to you!

Don’t Try This at Home!

Posted on January 26, 2012 by Nina

A suggestion for Work From Home grandmothers – don’t think it’s possible to keep your 20 month old granddaughter for the week and also continue to work as usual. Not going to happen!

I’ve happily had Baby Leanna at my house now for 5 days but I think I’ve returned all of one business call and have taken one shower and one bath. Baby Leanna and her family are moving from Pennsylvania, 1-1/2 hours away from us, to Texas next Wednesday. Since her mom and dad were busy getting the house ready for the movers to come and pack them up, and her two older brothers are finishing out this week in school, they asked if I would keep Baby L. for the week. Well, of course! Bob and I just adore her, as we do all the grandchildren, and 20 months is just such an adorable age. Her little personality, the good and the “attitude” are showing and she’s just a joy. Besides that, we aren’t going to see them like we’re used to after next week, so this opportunity for time with her is so welcome.

Here’s the deal, though, and I don’t have much time to go into it because she just woke up from her nap early, – my empty nest, work from home, 54 year old’s schedule isn’t used to this! For those of you that know me by now, know that I like (and require) organization and a schedule in order to get everything done. Bob and I Work From Home full time. I also have a few hobbies that I love to do. We also have a large home and 3 pets that I just wouldn’t take on when my two sons were young because it’s too much. Well, it’s now too much with one little 20 month old baby. I’ll tell myself that I’ll do this or that after she goes to bed at 8:30, but I’m too pooped to get off my chair and out of my vegetative state!

I wouldn’t change this week for anything, but I’m just sayin’ – Don’t try to Work From Home full time with a baby at home! It’s really not possible. I’m sure there are young mothers out there that maybe do this. And if you do, and do it well, I commend you! If I were a full time mother in this situation I would have to either work from home part time, doing something that could be done while the baby naps and after she goes to bed in the evenings, or take baby to a day care as any other full time working mother would have to do. I suppose if I were a young mother I would be able to come up with other options, but from a grandmother’s point of view, it’s too much!

Heck, just a small shopping trip with Baby L. to Wal-Mart yesterday just about did me in! Getting her in and out of the car seat is a chore all by itself! Then she decides she wants every cookie and cracker snack that you walk by and fusses about it until you distract her with something else. And since I was a taking a little longer than I had anticipated, we ran into nap time and then it was all down hill from there. I had to just rush toward the end of my shop and forgot so many things!

Maybe a Young Me could Work From Home somehow with a baby, but the Older Me thinks it’s very difficult. If I try to Work, Baby gets a little ignored. Although, a little bit of this is OK, but not to the extent that I need to put into work. And when I give Baby the attention she needs and wants, Work gets ignored and only done halfway. It’s impossible to stay organized like I need to and the house just is not able to stay as clean as it normally is. Bob is still handing me more to do and then tells me to just relax when I give him a “look”! Does he not see this baby I’m feeding and diaper changing?? If this weren’t temporary we’d be having a huge “discussion” over this! I have phone calls to make but I feel it’s not professional to have the recipients of my phone calls listen to a baby babble, or worse – cry, on the other end.

Here’s my solution: Basically drop everything else while Baby L. is here! We can’t help but be happy and smile every second we’re with her. If I can squeeze something else in, then great. (Such as writing this! She’s playing good by herself right now.) If I can’t get it done, it will still be waiting for me next week, after Baby Leanna and family are gone far away. After I’ve cried for a good solid day!

The rest of Baby Leanna’s family are moving in with us tomorrow, since their household is now on a big truck on the way to Texas. We’ll have 24/7 with them until Wednesday. This may be God’s way of working it out so that I’m ready for them to leave and it will buffer the pain of saying good-bye. I don’t know. I’ll let you know next week how it goes!

Reflections on Christmas

Posted on December 29, 2011 by Nina

Well, the big day is over! Are you sitting back and asking yourself, “Was that it? Shouldn’t there be more to it?” There is almost a let-down feeling. For most of us women, anyway, we put so much work into making sure Christmas is going to be happy, fun, memorable and special. Then when the day comes and goes seemingly so fast, I know it would be very easy to sit back and wonder if it was all worth it. The day is over and you’re sitting in your chair in the living room and faced with cleaning up the piles of dishes, plates of cookies all over the table, and leftover ham wrapped up with all good intentions of leftovers, and the living room floor covered with grand-children’s toys, new electronic gadgets, boxes and wrapping paper. At 54 years old, I’m pretty exhausted right about now. Don’t misunderstand – I’m a young and healthy 54 year old - and I’m still exhausted!

I started preparing for Christmas early this year. Earlier than normal. After 32 years of marriage and 30 years of being a mother, and 7 years now of being a grandmother, I’ve had enough practice at Christmas preparation to know that I need to start early in order to avoid as much stress as possible. Right after Thanksgiving we took a holiday vacation to Orlando with one of our sons and his family and my parents. There were nine of us total. Four days after returning from that trip (better word than vacation, as vacation conjures up images of relaxing on a beach somewhere and this wasn’t that!) we left for four days in Cincinnati for a family Christmas weekend at my brother’s home. There were 29 of us together there. Immediately upon returning from that little trip, our other son and his family would be here with us from Spokane until after Christmas. So my Christmas preparations had to be more or less done by Thanksgiving. And they more or less were.

My husband and I are empty nesters and we also work from home, as has been the case for about 7 years now. Our normal everyday life consists of quiet, cleanliness and organization. Our meals are simple servings for two and on a schedule. OK, now the whole month of December, and especially the week before Christmas, throw that whole routine out the window! For an OC (Obsessive/Compulsive) person such as myself, this month could have really thrown me for a loop. But being the organized control freak that I am, I was going to be OK with this and make it perfect! And that’s not easy with a 1 year old and a 2 year old in the house. My clean and quiet home is now filled up with crying, screaming, dirty diapers, food all over the floor, sticky furniture, little hand prints all over the windows, constant cooking, cleaning and laundry.

Christmas Day was at our house. Just add our other son and daughter-in-law, three more grandchildren, a nephew and his wife and three children, and my parents. There is no longer any indication that quiet, calm, clean and organized ever resided here at all!

Here is what I know about life after 54 years of living it, 32 years of marriage, 30 years of being a mother, and 7 years of being a grandmother: A perfect life is about all the imperfections. And this is what I know now about Christmas: Christmas is about the warm fuzzy feelings, the love and peace and joy, and the many blessings we realize we’ve been given. Christmas isn’t about the presents scattered all over the living room, the food all over the tables (and floor), the chaos and noise or even my darling baby girls’ pretty dresses. It certainly wouldn’t be a normal Christmas Day without any of this, but none of that is what makes it something that we look forward to every year.

Christmas is special because of the celebration of our life. The house filled with pretty decorations and lights that make us feel good and warm and secure in our homes. Family, no matter what that may consist of. Time spent with those that we love the most in our life. Watching little children’s excitement and joy. Memories that will last forever when we look back on the many pictures taken throughout this month. Memories that I am left with don’t come from a quiet, clean, organized time. I need the temporary disruption in order to create the great moments in life!

I’ll admit that I’m still tired and still cleaning all the mess, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ll also admit that I’m ready to return to our normal life again. By November, though, I’ll be looking forward with much excitement to another Christmas, in whatever form that may take place next year!

Younger Girls Would be Jealous if They Only Knew!

Posted on November 7, 2011 by Nina

Are you happy being over 50? Or are you someone that wishes you were young again? Are you jealous of the 20 and 30 somethings? Do you hate being older and over 50? WHY?? There is no reason to be at all. If you are one of those women that wish you were in your 20′s or 30′s, or even 40′s again, it’s probably mostly due to society and television and movies telling you that those are the best years. It’s really not true.

I feel like being in my 50′s is like this well kept secret from the younger girls. We don’t want them to know about our secret club! It’s like an “Over 50″ sorority. It’s kept a big secret until they go through all the hazing and initiations of their last 4 decades. Then you get close to 50 and it’s scary. The media tells you these lies that you are now Over the Hill! The ads and commercials all tell you that only the younger women can be beautiful! You think, “Oh no, my life is over, I’m worthless now because I’m old and unattractive”! These are probably mostly men spreading these falsehoods, because if you are a woman over 50 you should know better! But then, you reach 50 and you get accepted into this secret sorority automatically and it’s like magic gates open up to you. If you walk in with an open mind and a good attitude and forget about all the lies told to you, you realize what a gift you have just been given.

Here are just a few of the gifts that we get:

No more kids at home. For most of us. I love my kids as much as anybody, but I raised them to be independent and it took me 20+ years of training to get them that way. I love to visit them and have them visit me, but I don’t want them to live with me anymore. And they don’t! I did a good job. For those of you that don’t have kids, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine my life without them, but there is a trade off and pros and cons to everything.
There is much less concern and worry about the way we look. Now don’t get me wrong on this. I wholeheartedly believe in taking care of yourself, staying in shape, and looking the best you can look for your age. But, for some reason, that concern for trying to look good for others just isn’t there anymore. What a relief! Who were we always trying to impress anyway? Now it feels good just to look healthy and attractive to the person in the mirror.
The word “NO” comes so much easier now! If you don’t want to do something that someone asks of you, or you don’t want to go someplace because someone wants you to, you just say “NO”! It’s so easy! Why did it not seem like you were able to say that so easily for all those years? I was always doing things I didn’t want to and now I very rarely do things that I don’t want to! Feels so much better!
No more monthly periods! What a pain those were! So—no pregnancy worries. That’s a relief. There was always that chance no matter what you did to prevent it.
More leisure time. More time just for you. It may be because you’re not doing for your children anymore. It may be because you’re not so involved in outside activities. Or maybe because, for some of us, we’re now able to quit working, or work from home, or cut hours back to part time.
There finally seems to be less stress and less anger over things. This could be in large part due to hormone changes. It’s also because we finally are becoming wise and realize that most things aren’t worth it. Priorities and what’s important is put into a new perspective.
Creative juices seem to flow easier. I have no idea why! Does it just seem that way because we have more leisure time and less stress and there are no kids in the house? Maybe!
And finally, since the memory, eyesight, and hearing all start to fade a little, LA LA Land isn’t a bad place to be!
There are a lot more benefits to being a Woman Over 50, I just can’t think of what they are right at the moment!

If you’re over 50 and haven’t come to realize how good these years are yet, maybe you just need to forget all your previous negative thoughts about this age and look at it as this new life that you get to start all over and live.

And don’t tell the younger girls about all the benefits of belonging to our secret society. They have to earn the right and pay their dues to get here!

- Welcome to my site! I hope you enjoyed this post. You can receive updates, my blog
posts and daily “happy” quotes in your email by signing in below or here.
You’ll also receive my free e-book, “7 Simple Keys to Fitness for Real
Housewives Over 50″ as my gift to you!

Momma Said There’d Be Days Like This!

Posted on September 1, 2011 by Nina

I know I say I’m Over 50 and Happy – and I am. Deep down inside. Sometimes, though, there are down days. This is one of them and that’s OK. It’s OK to have a down day once in a while. If we were to walk around bubbly and laughing and hyped up all the time it wouldn’t really be real, now would it? Who can be like that all the time? People will start to think you’re on something! It’s not normal. But just because there is maybe a sad event, or something in your day or life just isn’t going right, doesn’t mean you’re not a happy person. It just means you’re a happy person that had a bad day! It’s OK! Give that bad day to yourself as a gift.

Here’s my day today: My son and his wife and two most beautiful children left today to go back to their home in Spokane, Washington (I live in Pennsylvania) after being here on vacation for over 2 weeks.

Now keep in mind that my husband and I have had an empty nest for about 6 years now and it is a quiet and clean house most of the time! So now imagine what it’s been like at my house with a 1 year old, a 2 year old, and a son that doesn’t do much picking up after himself. A few days ago I was selfishly thinking quietly to myself that it will be so nice when they’re gone! Isn’t that terrible! I’m just being honest! Well, then today came along, and they started packing up, loading up the car to head to the airport, and I had to kiss those babies good-bye!! Oh my goodness!! I’m crying now while I’m writing about it! Now it’s so quiet in the house I can hardly stand it and I have that swollen, red eye and nose thing going on. I feel wiped out. I’m going to miss them so much!

So does this normal life event make me unhappy? Yes, but just the situation is an unhappy one. It doesn’t make me an unhappy person deep down in my core. I’m still at peace and very proud and thankful that I have this wonderful family that I have the opportunity to miss when they’re not here.

So if you have gone through some unhappy situations, and who hasn’t? If you’ve had a bad day, or two or three — it’s OK. You can still be happy in your core. Situations change and if you feel good about yourself, you’ll deal with the sad and bad stuff and move on with the good life that you’re creating for yourself!

What sad situation have you experienced lately? Is is something you’re able to move on from in a positive way? Tell me about it. I’m sure just telling a friend about a bad or sad day makes it feel better right away. Think about it — it didn’t change the “real you”, the “authentic you”, did it?

I feel better now after writing about it myself. Thanks for listening!

An Empty Nest is a Good Thing

Posted on August 22, 2011 by Nina

“When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they’re not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They’re upset because they’ve gone from supervisor of a child’s life to a spectator. It’s like being the vice president of the United States.”

Erma Bombeck

This is so true! My husband and I have had a complete empty nest for about 5 years now. You know what? I was sad and upset for about 2 days! I love my two sons to death, but like Erma says, I do not miss the loud music, the mess, the constant dirty bathroom and cluttered bedrooms. Oh, and the sleepless nights because they were out and I can’t sleep until everyone is home safe and sound, no matter what their age! Think about it, really, who could miss that? But you do lose all control, if you had any little bit remaining at that point. That was the hard part for us to let go of. Yes, we missed their company a little bit, but are they really great company at age 22? Maybe just a little!

I know for some women this can be a much more difficult time than I found it to be. I know many women experience severe depression, anxiety and loneliness. I’m in no way trying to minimize those feelings and if they are that severe then you should consider some doctor’s counseling. But if it’s just a matter of feeling more or less just at a loss, think of it as a great opportunity instead of a sad event. Take the time to get to know your spouse all over again. Hopefully your spouse is going to be the one with you for the next 20 or 30 or 40 years. Put your energies back into that relationship again. Travel more. Plan ahead for some trips, even if they are fairly close and just for a few days. This will give you something to look forward to and the planning will occupy your mind.

If you’re bored, consider a change of jobs or even a change in career. It’s not too late. Or maybe some volunteer work at a local hospital or shelter. You would meet so many new people and it would feel so rewarding. I highly recommend working from home if you’re in the position to be able to do that.

Think about actually selling your house and moving into a new or different one. We did this and it has given me the chance to decorate rooms, experiment with paint techniques on the walls, and not to mention, it all stays clean or at least the way I left it. There are no surprise parties when we’re gone or surprise visitors for the evening! Joy!

Find a passion for something. Rekindle an old hobby that you just haven’t had time for in the last 20 years, or start a whole new one that you’ve always thought about wanting to do. Just do it. You don’t have to have an extreme talent for it. Pick something that would be fun for you. Quilting, knitting and some gardening were just three new hobbies that I took up. I became so obsessed with my new hobbies that I have no time to dwell on missing my children or to be bored. I’ve got things to do! And it’s a time now that is much more all about and for me!

Keep in mind that this was the goal when you had children 20 something years ago. As a good parent you raised your children to be free thinking, independent, and taught them and provided them with the skills and opportunities to be self supportive. Why would we have done all that for them to stay at home and continue to be supported by us?

Believe me, if may not feel like it or seem possible at first, that they will come home for visits with their own families and you’ll think to yourself (only to yourself and almost a little quilty about thinking it), “I hope they’re not staying too long because it will be nice to have my free time and quiet house all to myself again”. For those that are there now, you must admit that I’m right! This doesn’t mean that you love them any less or that you don’t want to see them. No, no, no! It just means that you’ve finally discovered a new and happy second life for yourself. And really, this is what I believe everyone wants!

If you’re real lucky, you’ll add to your nest now on those holidays and vacations when the kids come home and your nest will be filled up with little kids again. I’m emphasizing holidays and vacations – not full time! This is what I’m blessed with for the next week since my son and wife and two children are visiting (here in Penna.) from Spokane, Washington. I’m so excited to have them here and this is who my son and his wife bring home with them now.